Through the Desert
by Sempai Sunny
Summary: Another of my angsty Wolfwood/Milly songfics. Shortly after the 5th Moon incident, Wolfwood ponders Milly's motality. Song is "Bat Out of Hell" by Meatloaf. Spoilers for end of the series. Rating for language and a part of the ending


Sunny: Wolfwood…another good man…I'm on a Gung-Ho Gun kick, putting them wherever I can. Of course, as anyone who's seen the whole series knows, Wolfie, mean man that he is, leaves Vash and the Insurance Girls for a while. This takes place just after the Fifth Moon incident, just after he…er…has a few words with Rai-Dei the Blade, and I had a vision of Wolfwood traveling around on Angelina 2, and the song "Bat Out of Hell" popped into my head. 

Wolfwood: . I'm a priest.

Sunny: You don't act like any priest I've ever met, or any leader of any organized religion, for that matter.

Wolfwood: No own Trigun, or "Bat Out of Hell" by Meatloaf. o.O Meatloaf? Is that a man or a food?

::Wolfwood is knocked upside the head with his own cross::

¡¡Warning!! Even though this takes place before episode 23, some spoilers are in a dream sequence, and in a slight hallucination of sorts.

**Through the Desert**

            I heard her scream as Vash destroyed the city of Augusta. She was restraining Meryl.

            Milly, the taller insurance girl, the one who I had unknowingly fallen in love with. And, what's worse, I didn't realize it until I left her. Her face haunted my dreams.

            But I couldn't go back.

_*Something's a-screaming_

_And the fires are high_

_And we're down in the valley tonight*_

            She was in my dreams, the good ones and the bad ones. She would always be there, starting out perfect and beautiful and carefree. Sometimes, she would stay that way, and those were the good ones. The bad ones would result in her screaming or crying. There was one where she was just holding a child and staring at me, her eyes filled with questions that I didn't even know how to start answering.

_*There's a man in the shadows_

_With a gun in his eyes_

_And a blade shining_

_Oh so bright*_

            I felt horrible about leaving them all, and I knew Vash would hate me if he knew what I'd done to Rai-Dei.

            "You don't like seeing people kill each other, do you?"

            Yes, he'd made a promise, that man. It made him a living target, and, a complete idiot. I understood Knives's reasons for wanting him to be by his side. Someone needed to keep watch over that guy, or he was going to end up killing himself.

_*There's evil in the air_

_And thunder in the skies_

_And a killer's on the blood-shot streets*_

            I'd never understand any of them entirely. I only grasped bits and pieces of each of their psyches. They were all confusing, Vash the most of all.

            Meryl was possibly the least complex, at least on a superficial level. What actually went on beneath her façade was as foreign to me as another planet. But, she seemed to hate Vash, but care for him at the same time. It was quite understandable why she was so angry at him most of the time.

            "Now I know why that short haired girl's always so pissed off at you! When you're around, things just seem to get worse!"

            Vash was the most complicated. He was the most hunted man on this planet, yet, he hadn't killed a single person. He'd also stopped other people from killing each other. Though, I'm sure, that if I had actually tried to kill him, he wouldn't have thought twice about taking my life.

            Especially if he knew that I'd been raised by Chapel the Evergreen, a Gung-Ho Gun, and I could technically say I was following orders if I had to kill Vash.

            I shook the thought from my head as Milly entered it. An emotion that had been completely alien to me until recently filled my soul. I missed her.

_*Down in the tunnel_

_Where the deadly arise_

_I swear I saw a young boy_

_Down in the gutter_

_He was stopped_

_A form in the heat*_

            Milly was the only thing in my life that felt right now. Even the orphanage seemed wrong to me, since the money I could make for it involved killing a person who was really a credit to his planet, as well as his species.

            She was lovely and sweet, though a bit clueless. She was naïve, and innocent, for sure. It was so cute.

            "Cigarettes are bad for the baby, darling."

            Damn. Why did that thought keep arising in my head? Yeah, I knew smoking was bad for me, probably going to cause my time to come much sooner than it should. But, of all the reprimands for smoking, why was it that one that stuck in my head?

            Was this a sign from God?

            Would Milly be the one meant for me?

_*Baby, you're the only thing_

_In this whole world_

_That's pure and good and right_

_And wherever you are_

_And wherever you go_

_There's always gonna be some light_

_But I gotta get out_

_I gotta break it out now_

_Before the final crack of dawn*_

            I'd spent my last night with them with her, though we just sat and talked. She made me feel strangely at peace, and when I was with her, I thought anything was possible, including Vash's ludicrous ways of life.

_*So we gotta make the most_

_Of our one night together_

_When it's over you know_

_We'll both be so alone*_

            I missed her so much that it pained me to think of any of them. I would hear mention of Vash in bars, whispers along the streets, and Milly's face would come to me.

            It had been two days since the destruction of Augusta and the hole in the fifth moon. Was my precious Milly still even alive? Or did she die trying to save Meryl? Had they been with Vash when he destroyed the city?

            The only person I'd found there was Rai-Dei, and he was completely worthless to 

my cause. I'd had ulterior motives when I'd asked him about Vash. Yes, I wanted to know where Needle Noggin was, but Milly had been what I was really interested in.

_*Like a bat out of hell_

_I'll be gone when the morning comes_

_When the night is over_

_Like a bat out of hell_

_I'll be gone, gone, gone_

_Like a bat out of hell_

_I'll be gone when the morning comes*_

            The dream I'd had with Milly most often disturbed me the most. It was so frequent I feared it to be prophetic.

            I would be staring into a cup of dark liquid, probably coffee, but it tasted horrible for some reason, and I'd start crying. She would come over and comfort me, even giving me a kiss.

            Suddenly, I'd run out, telling her to wait for me. I'd walk to a church, and hear her screaming. When I'd go back to comfort her, I might as well not even be there, because she doesn't even seem to notice my presence. I would wake up with tear-streaked cheeks after that one.

            I hadn't even believed I was capable of crying anymore, not before that dream had started. It was another reason I left. I didn't want it to become a reality.

_*When the day is done_

_And the sun goes down_

_And the moonlight's shining through_

_Then like a sinner_

_Before the gates of heaven_

_I'll come crawling on back to you*_

            A night with Milly would be like my own vision of happiness. A lifetime with her would be paradise. If I ever saw her again, I'd be tempted to ask her to travel with me. I wasn't sure I could marry her, but who would protest to a traveling companion?

            I pushed the thoughts out of my head. I was reaching a region filled with unstable terrain, and I needed to concentrate on the grounds, not some girl who may not even be alive anymore.

            How would Vash feel if he'd killed Milly and Meryl? The odds were that he'd distanced himself from them during that event, but, what if?

_*I'm gonna hit the highway_

_Like a battering ram_

_On a silver Black Phantom bike_

_When the metal is hot_

_And the engine is cold_

_And I'm all about to see the light_

_Nothing ever grows_

_In this rotten old hole_

_And everything is stunted and lost*_

            This planet is nothing like Earth, where the bible was written. I wonder about that planet, where it is and what it's like.

            Eden sounds like the best place in the world. Well, it should, since it was designed without sin or evil. Not like here.

            But, there are trees and grasses and animals there. The only trees I've even heard about are in a place called Little Arcadia. This place is a desert, like where man was banished to, barren and lifeless.

            Was humanity's inhabitation of this planet like a punishment, banishment from the Eden of Earth?

_*And nothing really rocks_

_And nothing really rolls_

_And nothing's ever worth the cost*_

            If we had indeed been banished from Earth, did life inhabit other planets?

            Why was I pondering this? I was thinking of questions that could never be answered, not even be investigated.

            At least the remotely possible could be thought of. I decided to transfer my thoughts back to Milly, though I admit they weren't entirely pure.

_*And I know that I'm damned_

_If I never get out_

_And baby, I'm damned if I do_

_But with every beat I've got_

_Left in my heart_

_You know I'd rather be damned with you*_

            I would spend eternity in hell with Milly, because she'd make it heaven. Of course, if heaven and hell are tailor-made to each person, anywhere with Milly would be heaven, and traveling this planet without her, as I was doing presently, would be an eternity in hell.

_*Well, if I gotta be damned_

_You know I wanna be damned_

_Dancing through the night with you_

_And, if I gotta be damned_

_You know I wanna be damned_

_Gotta be damned_

_You know I wanna be damned_

_Gotta be damned_

_You know I wanna be damned_

_Dancing through the night_

_Dancing through the night_

_Dancing through the night with you*_

            I imagined having Milly sit behind me on the bike, her arms clutched around my waist, her long brown hair flying out behind her.

            The thought was so vivid I actually thought I felt her arms around me, her head on my shoulder. I glanced and realized that the only thing leaning on me was my cross. I'd even give _that up for Milly._

            Maybe then, just maybe, I would feel so alone or empty. This place might be slightly more tolerable, then.

_*Oh baby, you're the only thing_

_In this whole world_

_That's pure and good and right_

_And wherever you are_

_And wherever you go_

_There's always gonna be some light*_

            I stopped my bike, deciding to call it a night. I kept my cross at an arm's reach, and, not for the first time, I wished it were her. The nights on this planet were so cold, despite the excruciating heat of the day.

            I gazed up to the sky, wondering if she was looking up at the same moons, the hole in the fifth one, and thinking of me.

********

**            _"Bokushi-san," she whispered, hugging me tightly. "Please, stop crying."_**

**_            "You're so kind," I whispered._**

**_            "Please, eat the sandwiches," she said, referring to the plate._**

**_            "Would you," I paused, trying to figure out my next words, "eat them with me?"_**

**_            She answered by kneeling down to me and kissing me._**

**_            Suddenly, I realized I had to be somewhere. It was growing light. "Milly-chan!" I ordered. "Stay here until I get back,"_**

**_            "Hai," she whispered, sitting down on the floor, backing against the wall._**

**_            I ran out with my cross, and something told me to head to the church. I did, and then I heard a scream. "Milly,"_**

**_            I left the cross there and ran back to the hotel. Vash was standing outside the door, not acknowledging my presence._**

**_            "Milly-chan! What's wrong?" I asked. She didn't see or hear me, nor did _****_Meryl_****_, who was right next to her._**

**_            "Milly, speak to me," I said, holding her face in my hands. "Please, tell me, what's wrong,"_**

**_            "Why'd you have to go?" she asked, not even noticing I was there._**

********

_*But I gotta get out_

_I gotta break it out now_

_Before the final crack of dawn_

_So we gotta make the most_

_Of our one night together_

_When it's over you know_

_We'll both be so alone*_

            I sat up, panting. That dream, again. It was even worse this time. She'd asked why someone had left, and I knew she meant me. But, she wasn't speaking to me.

            I vowed, that, if this were truly a prophecy, I would make the most of the time I had with Milly.

            But what exactly would that entail?

            I secured my cross onto my bike and started off, away from the sunrise, chasing the escaping night. Perhaps it held the answers.

_*Like a bat out hell_

_I'll be gone when the morning comes_

_When the night is over_

_Like a bat out of hell_

_I'll be gone, gone, gone_

_Like a bat out of hell_

_I'll be gone when the morning comes_

_When the day is done_

_And the sun goes down_

_And the moonlight's shining through_

_Then like a sinner_

_Before the gates of heaven_

_I'll come crawling on back to you_

_And like a sinner_

_Before the gates of heaven_

_I'll come crawling on back to you*_

            I stopped chasing the night, knowing I could never catch it. "Carpe noctum"; seize the night. (A/N: I think that's it…my Latin's pretty bad…) Well, that, I would definitely do, given the chance.

            My greatest hope was that she felt the same way.

_*Oh I can see myself_

_Tearing up the road_

_Faster than any other boy has ever gone_

_And my skin is raw_

_But my soul is right_

_And nothing's gonna stop me now_

_Gonna make my escape_

_But I can't stop thinking of you*_

            Why did I keep thinking of her? For all I knew, she could be dead. It was a miracle she'd lived this long, what with all the bounty hunters after Vash. Keeping him under a close watch twenty-four hours a day was a life-or-death job.

            But, I had no clue how to handle how I might feel if she were dead. I had no way of finding out, either. I couldn't go back to Vash. 

            Unless given orders.

_*And I never see the sign_

_End curve_

_Until it's way too late_

_And I never see the sign_

_End curve_

_Until it's way too late*_

            I barely make the curve. Had I missed it, I would have flown into the canyon. I stop the bike and stare down into the canyon, imagining my body lying at the bottom. Would I be with Milly then?

_*And I'm dying at the bottom_

_Of a pit in the blazing sun_

_Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike_

_And I think somebody, somewhere_

_Must be tolling a bell_

_And the last thing I see_

_Is my heart still beating_

_Breaking out of my body_

_And flying away_

_Like a bat out of hell*_

            I see it before me. Not Angelina 2, my cross, and me, all lying at the pit of canyon, in a burst of flames, but me, with my cross.

            I'm kneeling, as though I'm praying. I'm slumped against my cross. And, I hear myself scream, "I did not want to die this way!"

_*And I'm dying at the bottom_

_Of a pit in the blazing sun_

_Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike_

_And I think somebody, somewhere_

_Must be tolling a bell_

_And the last thing I see_

_Is my heart still beating_

_Still beating_

_Breaking out of my body_

_And flying away_

_Like a bat out of hell_

_Like a bat out of hell*_

            "Nicholas D. Wolfwood," I said to myself, out loud. "You have got to quit smoking."

            "They're bad for the baby, darling," Milly agreed, inside my head.

            "Yeah, honey. They are," I said, mounting my bike and riding off to the next day. "Carpe noctum" with Milly, but right now, when it's just Angelina 2 and me, and the cross, I shall "carpe diem".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunny: Ooh! I just love that song SO MUCH! ^_\\

Wolfwood: +_+_?

Sunny: ::mystified that even though his is knocked out he is smoking::

Ecaep dna evol, Sunny

(P.S. If the lyrics sound screwed, blame Meatloaf for not having good diction and a strange imagination)


End file.
